In the beginning.....

Pre-Liberation.....Of course. 

Just a normal kid...? No, not really; I always had a feeling that i didn't fit in. That something  was off, (from my point of view) when I'd express it, at times; whether it was toward my parents or friends their response was reciprocated wrong or with some sort of negative or moral / religious spin to it, which left me truly suspicious of my thoughts and others.

    As I grew older; "pieces" (however puzzling) seemed to hit and made me question how society was spinning in circles that seemed "endless".

   As youth passed, my grandparents and parents passing, and my body failing on numerous occasions,(Without the help of modern medicine, I wouldn't be here now.) I have found a certain realization that "life force" is in fact delicate, and have a humbleness now that wasn't there when I was young. Death is guaranteed...I've gone thru depression and bouts of suicide but until my liberation didn't understand what was so necessary about life, going in seemingly endless circles, and growing older and feeling less in control of everything around me and at times becoming fearful even anxious of what is to come.

   Then I met a friend, (Not just any friend.) A Guitar teacher, an artist in any rite. And one day in a conversation about "Self help" it began; How so many self help "guru's" think they have it all figured out; And that "psycho" therapy only covers what is so called " Mentally Ailing" you, in a Physical sense.

   We conversed about whats out there, and something was said about how we "perceive" the world around us; and how things are really just self induced "illusion"; It sort of hit me weird; but later I started playing with the idea and a week or so later; I was thinking about, (of all things!) the President and all of the bullshit he has to put up with, and then "It" hit! (looking back it seemed like...."this may sound funny... like that fucking egg on the cover of the "Alien" movie".) a crack with the light behind it. It hit me; that's when the Awareness started "Big time". then all the pieces from the past started coming back and I started challenging EVERYTHING!!....

   Then I Read Ekehart Tolle , Ganga Gi, Jed McKenna... Whatever seemed to catch and keep my attention... they would touch on a lot of things and puzzle pieces from my past but they were that "feel good" temporary shit that would pass, but not be worthy of a day to day dose of realty that inevitably smacks you down to earth and say's "Bitch your wrong!"

    Just needed to go there one last time; It was pretty profound at the time, but nothing to what was about to come...