The " I " must die...

  I believe it was Jed McKenna  who wrote that some may achieve "it" during their lifetime where others will at the point of their death. "It" being no-self, the Gate, Enlightenment or what ever you want to call "It", "Jed" just called it "Human Adulthood".

   In my case no matter how interested and motivated, It still came the hard way; after that harrowing night, along with being a bit hung over, and sick from such a cold evening (wearing only a t-shirt and shorts) mentally beat down, and having to answer for my foolish night with apologies and regret to my friends and loved ones.(My wife wondering if she should commit me for 72hr. evaluation.) The best answer I could give was, "I had to call myself out on some shit." 


   Up until that day (in my head) I kept saying to myself over and over "there is no I" "there is no I" again and again, to no avail. Why? it seems so Easy what am "I" missing? 

   Day two was the day I "popped". Sounds funny, but in fact it was the most profound and humbling experience I've ever had, so much so I didn't believe it at first...

    I'm sure that it was more difficult for me than others, yet I believe, it took being so beat down "mentally" that left me open for "the self" to fall away. leaving a feeling of profound relief.

   What is Enlightenment? Its reality without all the baggage and judgement and drama involved...(of course that's my opinion ;^) . In turn taking the proverbial "weight" off your shoulders.

   Which brings me to that point, (That night standing on the ledge of that building...) when everything went "quiet"; My thoughts becoming silent; Even for what seemed forever at that moment... What I've learn since then, is that thoughts come in endless strings (whether asleep or awake.) not aware of their certain demise if the body dies. Their only mission is to constantly spin stories or plans with the endings of many choices without any concern of their host or others....In turn driving one quite mad if going unchecked.

   Having to go through such a violent and potentially harmful means for this I say, is well worth the journey taken; Though not recommended for others.
    I believe that someone must go thru some sort of profound means to LOOK and break thru the illusion of " I ". It doesn't come easy....