Wednesday, October 17, 2012


   Difficult as it may be, we all experience loss. In a myriad of aspects it takes it's toll on the living. Life and death spin right in front of us on a daily basis. Yet, when it hit's home, we inevitably witness the "true colors" (metaphorically) of those around us. Forget the sugar coating here, the stronger the mental connection the harder it is to let go. My mother once told me of all those in my family I was the one who connected more tightly than the rest in the family. It took the death of my father and seeing my family spin into chaos to open my eye's and see how dysfunctional and uncaring everyone really was.   

I've dealt with loss many times, starting at the age of 5; Not actually witnessing till age 20... But watching none the less. I remember at age 5, I was told that my 'step' grandfather was 'gone' and he wasn't coming back... Not knowing then that it was probably the closest to the truth that I'd ever get, at such a young and impressionable age.

  This body was diagnosed with Chrones disease in 1995, I know now that in some way it will be the underlying cause of my death when it comes. I'm grateful now seeing that suffering is just a state of mind; Having dealt with so much fear and depression from mental and physical pain in the past, was such an emotional drain; And going through more surgeries than I can count, having skirted death at least twice, this has made me quite humble and aware of how 'fragile' the life force is.

I don't need to know whats beyond Death...There is 'nothing' that needs to be known...Remembering one quote that's been profound since liberation,"You come into this world from nothingness...Walking this earth temporarily existing within the body as 'nothing', and one day returning to the nothing from which we came."

   Let's keep this simple, when the power go's out no one thinks twice about it...How about when you "pass out"?? Passing on is basically the same way, once you drop from consciousness it's up to the body to either recover or start the process of shutting down.

  What happens as each individual crosses from unconsciousness to clinical death is where the controversy begins. Many stories have spun from those who said they've witnessed varied dreams and visions from a brain in the midst of oxygen deprivation, just before regaining consciousness.The stories that have come to pass while visiting this area of unconsciousness are surreal to say the least, and to connect ANY references of a purgatory, heaven or hell is simply irresponsible in suggesting this in front of an audience, no matter how "real" they felt this moment was. 

   Death is a right of passage. (even a reward if you look at it from the right perspective.) I'm finally not only comfortable with it, but pleased to be at peace with the body being finally at rest. I've always been a supporter of euthanasia just as people believe in "pro-choice", I too believe in "pro-death". If ones quality of life is compromised and they choose not to be a burden to others, they should be able to die with dignity.

From a Religious aspect it's nothing but string of ceremonies and promises of heavenly ascent, all for the sake of the living. I'm Cool with the idea of having a 'going out' party and getting together for those who can handle a social gathering after paying respects.

Dealing with the remains is pretty straight forward and costly...
Getting together and viewing a dead body and saying some nice things about the newly departed, is just another show for all who are in attendance...Is this necessary? No.
Kissing a Dead body?? Hell No! Who the heck really wants to or should?? I remember seeing pictures from the 1800's and seeing the deceased propped up on a couch and pictures taken with family members at these function's...These people need to seriously let go!!

  Cemeteries now seem like 'junk yards' with pretty labels carved in stone, again to appease the living. While driving around town I'm sure you've noticed these "In loving Memory of.." stickers on cars around town, that now look like rolling Tombstones; I hate to sound insensitive, but really?!?, "we" celebrate the dead on a yearly basis, and from the looks of it, (At a cemetery.) a lot of people get pretty extravagant with flower arrangements and 'offerings' to the dead. I get that these are symbols of respect, but who are they trying to impress??

 Now I'm seeing around town and at the parks, where people are paying a fee to have their loved ones immortalized on benches, concrete, and ceramic/metal tiles or even have a tree dedicated to those at rest. What comes to mind when I witness this is "This make no difference what so ever to whom this is dedicated. But, what about the person who is behind this dedication?, Have they come to terms with this loss?, Or are they stuck in the grieving process?...I know some individuals who feel they can't let go, for whatever the reason; each day they continue to mourn endlessly, torturing themselves with the memories that haunt them. Some families even spin over and over on who's fault it is for reason of the deceased death in the first place!!...There comes a point that everyone needs to drop the blame and get on with their life's.
   You name it whatever else comes later, it all boils down to the dissolution of the deceased life's work and possessions, call it what you want everything is distributed and absorbed by all that show interest in doing so; if not the government finishes the rest. (That's exactly what happens in nature; whatever satisfies the living.)

So what the hell does Liberation have to do with this??
Who the heck do we "think" we are?? All these achievements, roles, relationships, knowledge, and wisdom that was 'thought' to make you 'unique' within society, simply cease to exist inside the moment prior to the dropping from consciousness...In essence stripping away all that once was "you" in an instant. All that is left is awareness and a body that is struggling for it's last breath. 


Tuesday, October 2, 2012


Alright everyone this is where philosophy and liberation collide...Anything go's.

The metaphoric "rabbit hole", after liberation seems to keep going and going...
I'm not sure how far this is gonna go...The layers keep falling away, even after seeing no self. I keep looking and the farther down I go, the less anything means any more.

I suppose that when I hit the bottom I'm done. Meaning dead.  
I've been pondering this for quite some time and I keep coming to the same conclusion, no matter the question... Meaning is meaningless.

It's like trying to give meaning to ones dreams, it's just tacking an illusion on to an illusion...Silly and redundant.  

This is like the imaginary carrot enticing the horse. Again, since childhood we've been conditioned in that each of us have some sort of meaning for our existence on this planet.

We all either ask it or hear it at one time or another... What's the meaning of life?... Why are we here??... Life just is...That's all. 
There must be some reason I'm here right?..BULLSHIT!
The best answer to that is SEX. Yup! Mom and Dad had some fun and here you are, nothing profound about it! Whether intentional or in most cases (including mine.) was a surprise that really wasn't expected.
Was I wanted?
This is irrelevant... Still imposes meaning. 

Of course Religion wants to be at the forefront of all this, and wants everyone, (that believe in a god) to donate their time efforts and of course money, to help their cause. So many people have said that a god somehow spoke to them and said they must reach out and help mankind (In gods name.) to help bring purpose in their lives. This in fact is a personal choice and bares no connection to fictional God what so ever. Whatever the cause one truly feels is worth pursuing should be considered, but only after they're sure that ensuing this path will end in happiness and personal contentment. I chose guiding and sharing this gift. Writing what's in my head is a cleansing process, I use in finally speaking out against the lies that I've lived with my entire life, until now.

Okay, this has spun over and over within this mind and still no matter who or what is said, if a person die's this person only leaves memories in the minds of others; There is no meaning is left behind, to each their own on how they choose to grieve. All that can be said is, they lived their life left some possessions behind and people grieved some mental loss. Anything else is made up and imposed within the mind of others.

The same go's for senti-"mental" value. Someone give's us some material object at some time in our life's and we attached this illusory amount/value to it. And by telling someone so, makes it worth so much more...Again, BULLSHIT!
Or how about "antique's"?...Slap that word on an old chunk of wood and ask a large price for it and someone is bound to pay it.
Hell I hit 50yrs. old this year, and no one in their right mind
would pay a dime to have me sit in their living room! ;^D

Alright,  now here's the part where if you choose to skip this I'll understand... This is where shit get's brutal for all you "feel good" spiritual people, sure there's beauty in life if you look but reality is a bitch. Choosing not to look at "what is", only put's blinders on awareness.

Love, marriage, parenthood...all these mean nothing. Anyone that say's otherwise is caught in their own level  of the belief system that they feel comfortable with and that's fine, but it's still not the truth.

Don't get me wrong here, these institutions are fine and try to add meaning to a seemingly empty life, but in the end all this "feel good" stuff is just another illusion to try and keep humanity from regressing into a primal state. I'm seeing more and more; That the meaning and respect that people once had toward one another in the past is deteriorating in this day and age; And primarily due to the increasingly disposable society that has come to pass. Not necessarily regressing to a primordial state but a regression just the same.

Humans are the only species on this planet that attach meaning to pretty much all our aspects of life...Let's take Dogs for example. When a dog has pups the maternal instinct kicks in, and they protect, feed and train their young to survive in the environment around them, but when the mother is done, that's it she's DONE. Then they're just another dog in the pack; Sure their scent is unique but none the less they no longer are seen as "family" as we do, there's no " Mom, Dad, brother, sister" crap, they're just another dog. You're either accepted as part of the pack, or you're not period. All this boils down to survival, it doesn't matter the species on this planet or another, being civil keeps human's from going at each others throats, and having our neighbors flesh for dinner. But still, war wages on.

In the end the illusion of meaning can be seen 'metaphorically' as a canvas sitting in front of an artist, "blank" and awaiting the imagination of each individual to fill it with excitement and wonder; Showing those they hold close, a projection of a world in which they wish to live.
Perfectly imperfect.